Well, they are. Now it’s not that smokebombs are high technology, but it was being too complicated. And let’s face it, it was stupid to rely on Jemima. She couldn’t even keep the sieve straight! She’s got such a funny-shaped head… it’s not normal.
So after the smokebombs failed I went back to basics. And this time the only thing Jemima had to do was to go to the shops and get me some bottles of fizzy drink. Sticky, super-sweet, brightly coloured fizzy drink! There’s this thing, you see, that you do if you’re trying to get rid of bees. I learnt about it on a gardening site. You leave open bottles of fizzy out, and the bees zoom in to get the sugar, and then they drown. You have to keep doing it to get all the bees, but I’m just going to use lots of bottles and do it all at once.
But I don’t want just to drown them. I’ve been stung like a squillion times and it’s someone else’s turn! So I’ve drunk some fizzy out of each bottle (Jemima helped, even though I didn’t want her to) and cut a small hole in the side of the bottle and stuck a cardboard tube in it. So there were two holes in each bottle – the one that I made, and the one you get when you take the lid off. Got it?
Then I got some wire meshy stuff and put it just over the fizzy, so the bees would fly in to the mouth of the bottle, but not be able to reach the fizzy and drown. But I glued lots of sugar to the inside of the cardboard tubes, so that instead of flying out the top of the bottle again, the nasty vicious stinging bees would crawl down my little tunnel.
The weather’s getting a lot warmer now. People sleep with their windows just a little bit open.
So tonight, when everyone’s asleep, I’m going to sneak out and set up my dozens of bottles around old Shelley’s house. With the end of the tube wedged into the window.
Let’s see how HE likes being attacked by killer bees!
